I'm Not Me
by neongreenleaves
Summary: One-shot: Shion realizes he's not who he used to be, he's not innocent, or naive. He's not grey, but is he so sure that Nezumi is alright with the version of him now? He's not himself anymore, not the person Nezumi used to know...


AN: Don't own No. 6 or anything related~

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Shion sat silently on the old bed, the sheets crumpled around his grown body. It had been a long time since Nezumi, since No. 6 ceased to exist, and both him and the darker haired boy were taking their time to adjust to the changes.

The largest one being that Nezumi had come back…

Shion closed his eyes and held in his breath, the images of time passing beneath his eyelids and the reds and oranges melting together like small dancing lights. He felt the heaviness of the evening on his body, exhaustion from his job, from talking for hours to catch up with Nezumi.

White hair bounced a little- when had it gotten so long?- as he opened his hesitant eyes and turned them towards the boy on the worn down couch next to the bed. Shion watched his friend's chest rise and sink slowly with his calm breaths, and the limbs unmoving. His eyes grazed over the nimble, yet strong body off to his side, and a little curious feeling naggled around in his chest, which Shion rubbed absent-mindedly.

Then, red eyes fell upon a scar that lay on Nezumi's body. Shion's eyes gazed off into nowhere, remembered the shot, and remembering the feeling of panic, hurt, and anger. Feelings he had never known to feel if it hadn't been for the boy in front of him.

Shion's hands twitched, and he clutched the bed sheets messily. He stared down at his knees as his eyes burned. It was his fault entirely, if he had acted differently, he could have saved Nezumi. Stopped the pain from ever happening.

His fault, his fault. Shion took a ragged breath and put his head in his hands, the burning in his eyes stinging his breathing as well.

Again, Nezumi was teaching his more and more feeling. Shion felt guilt, anger- towards himself, and pain weighing down on him, and it seemed the longer it was, the heavier he felt.

He closed his eyes tightly, and rubbed them. His hands came away slightly damp.

Shion clamped his hands together, and layed back onto the bed to let the tears in his eyes drip down the sides of his face. It burned, and his eyes blurred out and soon he could not barely make out the ceiling.

"Nezumi…" he spoke quietly, not sure whether or not the boy was awake.

He got a small "Hmm" as a response in question.

Shion's eyes slid half-shut and he felt a little nervous. "Nezumi…. Do you ever miss me?"

He heard rustling and a bounce on the bed next to him. It was obvious that Nezumi had layed down next to him, and the boy had scoffed. "Shion, you're being an idiot. You're right here. How could I possibly miss your annoying presence."

Shion could feel the boy roll his eyes at him.

"No.. that's not what I meant."

"Then what do you mean." There it was again. The nervous feeling in his gut. Shion pat him stomach slightly in attempts to get rid of it. He licked his lips, wondering if he truly wanted to know the answer.

"I mean…. How I used to be a kid. You called me innocent, naïve… Do you miss me like that?" Shion squeezed his eyes shut, and the burning feeling in his eyes made him tear up again. He leaned away from Nezumi in order to hide it.

It took a moment to realize that Nezumi hadn't said anything, or maybe he hadn't heard.

"Do… do you miss me?" Shion repeated in a small voice, cracking underneath his emotions.

"…Shion…"

He felt fingers brush his arm, and he jerked slightly away from them like it burned. In a way it did. At the moment, he felt panic bubble up in his chest and through his mouth, and he suddenly couldn't stop the words from falling out in a mess.

"I'm not like that anymore, Nezumi. I'm… I'm.. not that kid, I'm not innocent or naïve or silly or always smiling. I'm not me. I've gotten old, hardened, and my god Nezumi I've _killed_ someone! You said so yourself I'm not… not…"

"No." Nezumi's hard voice broke into his stuttering sentences, and he realized he was speaking faster, and the tears were falling fast down his cheeks. They would not stop.

"Wh…. What?"

"My answer is no I don't. Close your stupid mouth, Shion, cause I don't want to say this again."

Shion softly held his tongue, and looked quietly at Nezumi.

"No I don't miss you, because the old you was the old you. You changed, but I changed alongside you, and that would be hypocritical. We're still each other, and we are both going to be okay with that because we have grown. I'm still Nezumi to you, and you're still my Shion. Any other Shion, even the old you, would not be the you to me now."

Shion felt the tears continuously running down his cheeks, but he felt as though they were not the same. His hands had let go of the sheets a while ago, and he was holding onto Nezumi now. He felt the cotton jacket under his fingers, and he slid the up to Nezumi's face, cradling his cheeks as the boy's grey eyes pierced his.

It took a second for his lips to meet Nezumi's, and then he brought his face back and let go of Nezumi.

The boy was smirking. "What was that for?"

Shion's face took upon a small smile as he turned away. "It was a thank you kiss."

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AN: (pst feel free to review or what not)


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